Dealing With Shame, Guilt and Blame

Many times people find themselves in life complaining about their lacks, speaking
of being victims or generally expressing negative viewpoints towards themselves or
the world. The more a person stays stuck in such a mental or emotional place, the
more real such a state becomes in their personal world. Through the process of
living, we all develop our own personal system of polarities, where something is
good or bad, positive or negative, up or down. Changing negatives into positives is
part of the developmental process of growing towards the higher good.
When we react instead of consciously acting in our life, we often regret later that
we could have done something in a better way. These past events often serve as
anchors until you release and let go of any negative beliefs or memories of them.
You may have had relationships in your past that you didn’t handle the best way that
you could. There may be an old hurt, something said in anger or a feeling of being
let down or letting someone else down that is lingering in your memory.
As an exercise, go back and change these negative recollections by looking at the
positive gifts that people had for you and see the good you did for them. Then
transmit forgiveness and selfless love to those people at whatever age they were when
you experienced them. You will heal yourself and others throughout this process.
The healing will also take place in the present time, and will erase any projection of
negative patterns in your future behavior. Always remember that had it not been for
those past events, you would not be who you are in the present!
Keep in mind that every time you replay the words or imagery of a guilty action, it
is like reliving the error again. The act of asking for forgiveness and transmitting
forgiveness must also be coupled with forgiving yourself. No matter how terrible the
act, there is no purpose served in self-accusation and reminding yourself of failure.
Simply acknowledge the guilty action, forgive yourself for it and get on with your
growth without beating yourself up any longer. You can’t change what has already
happened, but your choices in the future can now be more directed.
You must begin living in the here and now. Make the present perfect. Do not
expend your energy dwelling on what you should've, could've, might've done in the
past. The present is a gift, enjoy it!
As another gentle exercise, step outside yourself and time, and view your entire
life path as a whole picture rather than as a series of unconnected events. This higher
perspective negates the tendency to blame or condemn yourself for isolated events in
your life that you think you could have done better or differently. If you think about it, those very incidents that you consider distasteful provided you with the growth
that allows you now to see a better way of behaving.
You can see why you drew certain incidents into your life and what you learned
from them. You can see why you did not get what you thought you wanted. Perhaps
not having a certain thing changed your life path, or maybe having it would have held
you back in some way. Now you can see how past experiences have served you.
You now know how to move into that larger perspective and handle your energy
expression in a better way. You can even let go of the belief that growth always
comes through pain and struggle. For instance, when you hate something in your
past, you are still bound to it. When you see the big picture and love and understand
each incident, you are freed from the ties of such incidents. When you can think of
your childhood and your parents, and know that they were perfect for your growth,
you are freed from the effects of those early events in your life. Now you can realize
that your childhood, your relationships and your careers have all made you what you
are now.
Do these simple exercises often, because they are all realizations to change
negative memories into a positive understanding of where you are now and where
you are progressing in your future.
Here are some simple axioms to keep in mind.
1. If you don't want others to know about something you are about to do, then it is a
signal to you that you are ashamed of doing it; so don’t do it!
2. Set your own values according to what you believe, not someone else’s belief
system. Make your own choices and take full responsibility for them.
3. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. A person who doesn’t make mistakes is not
learning or doing anything. Be a mover through the world. Make mistakes, learn
from them and move through them.
4. Integrate yourself, be honest and true to yourself in all settings. Do not live
different lives, or be different people, in different settings. This leads to confusion in
the mind.
5. If you still have any doubts about whether or not you should do something, ask
yourself if this is the behavior you would want your grandchildren to know you by.
If the answer is no, then don’t do it.